♥ Thursday, 29 July 2010
@ 12:21 am
even though i look fine with it, but inside me, i feel really very uncomfortable when you chatting with that slut. even though is just a game but i still feel uncomfortable ok. when she is not inside the game, you look so dull and sianx with everything. but when she's online, you look so engernatic (don know if i spell correct, lol) and can even laugh non stop. pls la. don say to her like everything is my fault and being so sensitive and say until like i cant live without you la ok. sorry i can live without you and will be very happy than now. can you just fucking say yes to the break up. really sick and tired of you. i'm changing alright. once got her, you feel so lively. and hey fucking slut, do you think i'm really scare of losing him? than sorry i'm not. so don say until like i can understand why she's so sensitive after all i'm a girl. slut jiu shi slut la. not happy i say her. come find me than
♥ Tuesday, 27 July 2010
@ 9:01 pm
don't know is it because 我想太多or what.you will always hook onto your game till the morning everyday without fail.but today she's not inside the game at night, you did not play at all. when she was inside the game, you start playing again. you are making me anyhow think again. and stop saying that is a guy. i'm not dumbo.when you saw winston sms me, you only say he wan to woo you ah? but you did not angry with me at all. when i heard that i start to ask myself, why you did not angry with me cos i'm talking with winston and you can say we two start until like couple but the truth is YOU DID NOT ANGRY WITH ME.and i believe that one day you wil fall for her for sure without fail. oh maybe you already fall for her since you can't wait to chat with her and play with her. and since you feel so restless and nothing to do when she's not online. when i ask you why today so guai never play that long. you told me, cos the game got timing de. oh ya. is you and her de timing ba. she not online of cos you feel sianx and do not want to play at all. when you go to work, you sms me ask me to help you find your things. when i saw it, the first thing in my mind was. is it because i can manage to find those thing you cant find that why you don wan to go sepearate way cos i still got use to you in some ways. you say you did not took number than why i will saw that, you told: ask you to call us you don't want. since you will say like that i'm very sure you already got her number so does she. LAST BUT NOT LEAST SHE'S NOT A GUY. that's for sure. AND HEY SLUT, SINCE YOU TOLD HIM YOU WANT TO MARRY TO HIM. THAN GO AHEAD. 我把他送给你. YOU CHEAPO SLUT MAN. SINCE YOU'RE STAYING IN SINGAPORE TOO. I GOT MY WAY TO GET YOU OUT. UNLESS YOU CHANGE EVERYTHING.DO NOT BLAME ME WHEN I BECOME VERY NASTY AND CRAZY.
YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO THIS SHIT WITH ME BY TESTING MY PATIENCE AND KEEP LYING TO ME.
没有你， 我的日子还是会好过的。
省直还会比现在的好。
♥ Sunday, 25 July 2010
@ 4:04 pm
well really feel so sianx with everything. totally no mood for everything and anything.
it turns out to become my fault again. am i really in a wrong?? do you know i really feel guilty by treating you bad and trying hard to make you angry by talking and going out with my guys friend. but will you feel guilty at all? no you won't feel anything and just carry on with telling ppl that she's your wife or mistress etc in the games. you can fucking telling me that, that's a guy. hey common, i know i have a kiddo mindset but overall i still can different shape which is girls or guys and even lies from your eyes. ask me to speak to your friends and pls la own friend of cos will help you la. if now is me doing things, my friend confirm will side me. don't you have common senses?
you will get angry with me when i meeting winston today but do you know i feel super disappointed with the things and words you say/do too. you keep saying that, that's a game. so what? who will be happy to see your partner is talking so sweet to others? winston did not even call me, dear, darling, baby, wife, mistress all this only ask me wake up le ma, time to go out le. and you can just kick a fuss at me. why always you can do things in your own ways but i cant? you always think you are right in everything and anything and i'm in a wrong. i really think that we should not carry on this relationship anymore? it's kinda sick for me right now. i cant hang in to the last anymore. sorry.
i was just a transparent to you. you rather face your game for longs hours than facing me. you rather told your gamer friend that you're boring rather than accompany me. you are boring, i'm boring too k. to you, i'm just a adult who's behaving like a kiddo with a kiddo mindset. that why i'm always the wrong one and you are always the right one. 放手或许对彼此会比较快乐，
也不会那么辛苦。
因为我太累了，
已经曾不下去。
♥
@ 6:37 am
fuck la. what really went wrong with me la.?
get so agitated nowadays easily especially when i woke up.
lol. and there is one funny thing and is i went to took online depression test. and the result is "you may be suffering from clinical depression. This test cannot substitute for a visit to a mental health professional. It is meant only to give you an idea where to start a dialogue with your healthcare provider." lol.. kinda stupid lor. how come i do not know when i msyelf are suffering from that? haha.
do not know why i feel so angry after i have woke up just after my nap.
i also don not why am i behaving like that. haha.
yesterday went to meet sammi to accompany her to get her things. as i find that it is kinda dangerous for her to go out alone when her due date is nearer. but when i reached there, she already finish buying her thing she wants to get la. haha. i know i'm slow la. haha. cant blame to much on me also. cos of the fucking cab driver la. don't know how to go marina square by rochor road. and once is nearing the marina square, jam lor. kns. i hate jam la. waste alot of my time.
before i going take cab i went to pres money and who know i fall down at the bus stop there towards the atm machine lor. so pai seh siax. so many ppl watching and there is ppl in front of me lor but don know they got saw it ma. lol.
after meeting up with sammi, we went to plaza sing for passing ppl thing that they brought from me previously at my blogshop. lol. and i was late man. omg. after that went to don know level what to get cross stitch stuff as sammi is getting. and i din know that actually PS got sell cross stitch stuff and everything lor omg. so sua ku la. haha. sammi brought one corss stitch blanket for her baby princess that going to born soon. cant wait how it look after the everything is done.
after buying we went outside and sit and talk cock. lol. sammi said that, she missed those life with beautiful clothes on and is ready for clubbing. well i missed it too. it was so much fun from that period of times. no stress and etc. everyday just get prepare and ready to go for out partying time till dawn and get ourselves high or drunk without fail man. haha. but times pass so fast. those days cant stop for us. happy times always go so fast without fail. we will grow up one day and will get married and have our own family. will get restrict form some thing by our partner. but well that's life and we still have to move on without fail. around 10 plus dave ask cal me and ask wan go PH ma. at first i feel like going but another min i don't feel like going le. so sammi husband come fetch her and soon bian send me back.
don't know why i don't want to go PH siax when it all about dancing and drinking and best is my favourite playground wor. haiz. reach home online awhile than falen asleep le till 6 plus in the morning than wake up again and nothing to do go online dictionary to get some new words to learn than come and blog le. haha. sometime blogging can really kill my times more faster than doing nothing at all. lol. don't say goodbye,
我还不想离开，
♥ Friday, 23 July 2010
@ 11:48 pm
today really feel so tired. did not really sleep in the afternoon. my mind was all about. DEAR, WIFE and DARLING. worse still i found out one super shocking and heart breaking news in the afternoon which make me cant really slp very well. keep waking up. feeling so tired of everything, there is so much thing in my mind when i saw the news.
~why cant my life like the past. with all the joys, friends and happiness around me?
~why does things started to change for the past two year plus.
~why i cant just dump everything behind and leave to the place i used to be, to the place where i can feel that i'm actually exist in this world but not transparent?
~why you are the one that can really hurt me so much, the hurts was so painful that i never had this feeling before.
all the thing keep spining around my head till i don't feel like waking up and just want to lie on the bed for the whole day whole night without facing anyone. but too bad. someone wake me up and i know i got to face it. but ended up i went to bath than went downstair. i cant imaging that i can really sit at the void deck alone with my mp4 playing. i also realise that i can really go and think when i'm alone all by myself with those cool wind flashing on me. suddenly missed those days when i'm sad or unhappy, my friend will drive me to east coast to listen to the sea but now hai, i was alone at the void deck without anyone to called to speak with. i missed the night sea sound and night.
after sitting for a few hours alone, i keep recalling what someone has told me before i left the house. at first i feel so angry and sad by those words. but after cooling down, i know what he/she say was really true.
~i everything also want.
~i keep complaining, demanding and finding fault on you.
~i don't want to work all this.
~i keep wanting to go chiong.
~i'm just a kiddo that never will grow up with a kiddo mindset.
~i'm too controlling.
maybe i should have realise that this ain't going to works it out before we have made the decision on 2008. i'm who i am and you are who you are. we just or maybe only me which i cant accept all the things you've done and so on.
~i'm just a childish kiddo with a childish thinking which don suit any mature thinking person.
~i'm just a person who keep thinking of playing playing and playing.
~i'm just a failure who keep fail her interview
~i'm just a useless person that cant help you in anything.
~i'm just a transparent person at your house.
~i'm just a fucking attitude person
~i'm just a person who demanding on you too much.
i'm letting everything go now. i just want back my own life with all my truly smile on my face but not a fake smile every now and than. i'm feeling tired, letting go will help you in getting out from those nonsense i've give all the time. it has been 2 yr 4 month 21 days le and is enough le. it's times to let it go than keep dragging and hold on to all the unhappiness between both of us. it wil only made the things more worse in the future. you can do anything you want or like without anyone showing any attitude on you. i'm the one whose is on fault everytime. really very sorry for wasting your times for the pass 1 years.相爱没 那么容易
幸福每那么简单
♥ Monday, 19 July 2010
@ 11:24 pm
wow, so long din blog le. haha..
don't know why suddenly feel like blogging after so long.
hmm but there is nothing i write about siax.
should change my blogskin? it seem so emo and black siax,
alright, i'm finally 21 which is officially legal in singapore.
lol.
have been working for the past 2 month and don feel happy with the working environment at all.
recently din turn up for work cos don feel like working. so i told winston (the bartender) that don put my schedule for the next few weeks. haha..
i want to go oversea la.
really need some place for me to relax.
feeling so stress up with everything,
there is so much place i wan to go.
BATAM SPA VILLA, HONGKONG, TAIWAN, KOREA, JAPAN, UNIVERSAL STUDIO, CASINO.
have been attitude with baby for the past few weeks too.
feel that we no longer having each other in our heart anymore.
all you care was playing your games and spending on your games.
all i care was how to make more money everyday.
our mindset and wants no longer the same at all.
feeling kinda tired and lost in hope after i found out something.
will keep asking myself:
~is the love still there or we are just used to each other existing?~
~does he remember when is the date we being together?~
well for me, i don realy rmb the date anymore.
maybe i should reAlly give up now than it's too late.
feeling so boring right now.
have been blog shopping alot now and than. must realy stop it le.
haha..
spending to much on online shopping le.
must start earning more money than can start shoping again.
lol
alright time to do my works now.
good night.
